I am convinced that high gas prices have caused people to lose their minds.  People are doing nutty things to save money.  I read an article about an 'amazing' guy that rode a bike to work taking 2 hours each way.  He saved a whopping $400 a month on gas.  Woo Hoo!  That 80 hours a month spent saving $400 bucks comes to $5 an hour.  Makes good financial sense if you are the fry guy at McDonald's.




For the thrifty who have an aversion to exercise yet plenty of time, there is hypermiling.  It is the latest driving craze; a method of driving your car to maximize your gas-mileage and save a few bucks.  Unfortunately, it causes everyone else on the road a bunch of headaches, so the 'hypermiler' saves a few pennies at everyone else's expense.  They drive like they are in no hurry, and get in the way of those of us who actually need to be somewhere doing something productive.




There have been a ton of articles written on how to reduce fuel consumption by hypermiling.  This article is the first that I know of on how the thwart the hypermiler.  I will give you a few clues on how to recognize the hypermiler by briefly outlining their tactics, and suggest some fun and exciting ways to make him use more gas than a Hummer doing donuts with the A/C on.





The hallmark of the hypermiler is taking it very slowly when trying to accelerate; after all, that pedal under their right foot is attached directly to the piggy bank.  To minimize the need for acceleration, the hypermiler will do anything they can to avoid stopping, since acceleration from a dead stop is the work of the devil.  They will creep up on a red light from hundreds of yards away hoping to time it just right and coast through when green. 





You might think that everyone on the road who was able to vote during the Garfield administration would look like a hypermiler.  As usual, you would be wrong.  The hypermiler will utilize downhill runs to accelerate, taking advantage of all that free gravity.  They build up momentum to be used on the next hill, letting the car speed up on the way down and hauling ass.  Sometimes they will turn off the engine when going down a hill or slowing down at a light.  (Ever wonder where the "power" in 'power brakes' and 'power steering' comes from?  Apparently, they don't either.)





The 'extreme hypermiler' will also use the dreaded tactic of drafting off of a big rig, just like their heroes on Nascar. You can spot the hypermiler driving fifty feet behind a huge truck with a big, stupid grin on his face.  Every article on the subject says not to do this, but goes on to say if you do then you can save an extra 20% or more on fuel economy.  As long as they are not endorsing something dangerous they could be liable for, right?  (Editors note: don't try any of the stuff you read here either.)





So if you spot one of these penny pinchers, here is where the fun can begin.  Assuming you don't have anywhere important to go (like work, or school, or somewhere productive), gently move right in from of them.  This is when you can engage in the tactic I call, ... um .... , hyper-fuel-consumption.  Remember, our goal is to make the hypermiler kiss those precious gas dollars goodbye.





After positioning yourself in front of the hypermiler, just do the opposite of their fuel-saving tactics.  Come to a complete stop at red lights.  Sit for a spell.  Adjust your mirrors.  Sing along with the radio.  Just kill some time.  When coming to a downhill slope, just ease off the gas and 'test' your brakes once in a while.  Nothing drastic, mind you; just something to keep from building up all that dangerous speed.





If you see someone tailgating a big-rig, think of yourself as removing a parasite.  Gently insert your car between the truck and the leech, and ease off the gas.  Be careful when you do this because the hypermiler could get aggressive trying to protect his new-found source of free food.





Try not to anger the hypermiler too much.  They are trying to save a few cents when they drive, so you might expect them to have cut a few corners elsewhere as well.  Their car is probably not from the current millennium, and might be a bit, shall we say 'cosmetically impaired.'  You probably have a lot more to lose than they do if there should be a friendly tap on your bumper.

Happy driving everyone!