Dearest Faithful Disciples of Gaia (Mother Earth)

It has come to our attention that there are potentially significant problems with our contention that the Earth is being destroyed at the hands of Man.  There seems to be a recent cooling trend that in a handful of years, has pretty much erased several decades of global warming.  (See attached image.)

It is important that you do not let detractors use these so-called 'facts' to interfere with our enlightening the masses on the harmful effects of Man's greed.  I have included a few talking points to use to dissuade anyone who challenges our Holy Mission.

1. In the future, please make sure to use the term 'man-made climate change' or 'anthropogenic climate change' when referring to global warming.  This will allow us to credit any weather pattern we desire as evidence of the damage caused by man, even blizzards in Baghdad and thickening ice sheets in Antarctica.  It is very important that we do not get pinned in by terminology and that we define the discussion as soon as possible.  If we control the language, we control everything.  Try to avoid talking about 'warming trends' during cold snaps.  Although cold winters are temporary, it looks bad when you are talking about the earth heating up while wearing a parka.  His Holiness The Honorable Al Gore learned this when he gave a lecture in New York on the coldest day of the year.

2. You must state "this is not an issue of debate, but an issue of emerging truth."  Don't back down from the FACT that man-made global warming climate change exists and is beyond question.  Say that the debate is over, and the science is in.   State that the dissenting 'scientific' opinions are from jealous people who crave the lime-light.

3. Do not allow detractors to point out what their 'scientists' have found.  Sew doubt in their conclusions by pointing out that their scientists' research is funded by corporations that produce fossil fuels or greenhouse gases.  If they point out that our scientists are funded by companies that sell 'green technologies', say that our companies are just being responsible.  Use the term 'in the pocket of big oil' as often as possible.  Dispute the validity of the millions of dollars the Magnificent Al Gore has received from and invested in green companies.

4. If the skeptic tries to expose Champions of the Environment such as the Majestic Al Gore using private jets or living in large energy-consuming mansions, simply say that they are paying for carbon offsets to more than make up the difference. Also, say that their mission of informing the public is much more important than the use of a little fuel.  When they reply that we should ignore people who preach "do as I say, not as I do," ask how many carbon offsets they've bought or Nobel Prizes they've won.  That should shut them up.

5. We all know that CO2 makes the planet warmer.  Anyone who points out that the CO2 emissions of China or India are exempt from Kyoto need to be convinced that we just need to lead by example.  If a skeptic makes the contention that a warmer planet causes more CO2 to be released rather than the other way around, state that they are confused.  Tell them the CO2 emissions from hundreds of thousands of years ago were from fires, probably started by Man.

6. Don't let your detractor use Kyoto as an example of harming the U.S. economy.  The exempt countries like China and India would have nothing to gain from watching the U.S. economy tank.  Should someone point out that the economy will be severely crippled if CO2 emissions are legislated to the level that is needed to make any impact, simply point out that there is no price too high to save our planet and our children.  If they persist, ask if they are in favor of killing our planet and killing our children. (Important: Do not use this tactic when arguing for abortion rights.)





7. Credit any weather catastrophe to man-made climate change (or MMCC).  This article in the New York Times does it perfectly, saying both deluges and droughts will be caused by global warming, I mean climate change.  Observe how descriptive words such as 'deluge' and 'swamping' are used instead of just 'heavy rain' or 'wet'.  Be sure to take credit for anything bad, and talk about good weather as temporary or 'anecdotal evidence'.  As we all know, we had perfect weather before Man came along.  Any weather can be caused by man-made climate change, and it has to be harming someone, even when it is 70 degrees, sunny and raining money.





8. Some skeptics will point to solar activity and its correlation to the temperature on earth.  Do NOT let this argument take hold.  Just because the Earth is warmed by the sun does not imply that more warmth is coming from the same sun.  We cannot possibly blame anything on mankind if the sun is the source of the problem.  Say that the solar cycles make only a tiny contribution, and that the scientific consensus on solar effects are still not clear.  If they mention the polar ice caps on mars melting, say they are just more sensitive than the ice caps on earth.

9. If someone should mention the global temperature decrease at the end of 2007, mention like in this article that it is a temporary aberration that does not disprove the overall trend.  The article goes on to give us some cover, explaining that the cooling could continue for years but the heating trend will certainly return.  Explain it was the oceans absorbing the warmth, or perhaps el nino, or la nina, or some unknown interaction between the two, or maybe some other unforeseen weather pattern to blame; whichever sounds better.  Dispute whether there was any temperature drop at all.   Also, dispute the degree of change, the measurement techniques, the media bias in reporting the temperature drop, and blame Bush if possible.

10. Should anyone remind you that climate scientists in 1975 predicted a "full-blown 10,000 year ice age," just remind them that the data was incomplete and the model was faulty.  They just thought they had all of the data and that their model was perfect.   We have much better data now, and our model really is perfect this time.  I swear.

11. Say that your detractor is 'not sufficiently educated' on the subject of climate change.  Imply that they are either being manipulated by the vast right-wing conspiracy or they are delusional.  As a last resort, equate them to Holocaust deniers or flat-earth proponents.  Keep in mind that they must be silenced at all costs.

Please join with me and pray for the scourge that is mankind to be removed from the face of our Grandmother Earth.  Until then, continue promoting the cause that we all know is just.